Steve Armstrong - A young man that's trapped in space and trying to scrape out a living. After
rescuing his friend Shorty from a beatdown, everyone realizes that Steve can fight and he soon finds
himself duking it out in the Arena with a variety of alien beings. Does Steve have what it takes
to become an intergalactic boxing champion?! Damn straight he does!
Shorty - Steve's minuscule four-armed sidekick. This hobbit with six-appendages (four arms and two legs in case
you were counting) helps Steve survive on the space station they're currently living on and
pretty much saves Steve's life during the human boxer's final match.
Quinn - Claudia Christian! Steve's boxing manager and promoter. As the film goes on
you sort of get the feeling that Quinn is developing a romantic interest in her lunky hunk of a human boxer. Perhaps
they would've tied the knot had there been an Arena 2.
Rogor - The ee-vil boxing promoter that's been making a large cash profit from
the Arena by fixing most of the fights. Though he's feared by nearly everyone, I think that his menace
is undercut by his silvery-waxen complexion. Seriously, if you hold a flame near his face, I bet
it'd start to melt!
Jade - A slutty vixen on Rogor's payroll and a local singing sensation. She tempts a horny
Steve Armstrong into the sack then poisons him. Though she sees the err of her ways and leaves Rogor
to wallow in his newly discovered destitution, she gets punched out by Steve's possible future squeeze, Ms. Quinn!
Weezil - Rogor's aptly named rodent-faced henchman. This little bastard causes
plenty of trouble for Steve Armstrong and friends, but is ultimately tossed to his death by Shorty!
Horn - The current Arena champion. This hot-headed cyborg monstrosity has more
bark than bite but still manages to give Steve a pretty brutal beating. Despite a healthy dose of
cheating, Horn ultimately loses his match against Steve and gets knocked out!
Skull - A constantly scheming alien being that can wire his brain into computer circuitry. Skull's skull
explodes while helping Weezil screw around with the Arena's computer.
Spinner, Vang, and Sloth - Spinner is the illegitimate child of a washer/dryer and a lizard. This
poor creature is forced into retirement after it's beaten senseless by Horn. Vang was one of Quinn's
best fighters, though he's easily defeated in a fist-fight with Steve Armstrong in a futuristic fast food joint. Sloth is a cross between
a grasshopper and a giant blob of clay. This insectoid creature is defeated in the Arena by Steve!
Wayne, Troy, and Stitches - Wayne and Troy are Steve's human trainers and Stitches is a lumbering
lizard-man with crab claws that serves as Steve's sparring partner.
Welcome dear reader to a review that's been over one year in the making! No I haven't spent a year doing research on
Arena, nor have I watched it repeatedly until my eyes bled. But it has been a year
since fellow reviewer Rob Tillisch and I announced this BOXING... OF THE FUTURE joint venture between our sites. So without further ado, I present my half of our
highly anticipated team up! Arena takes place
in the distant future where humanity has reached the outer rims of space and is in constant contact
with alien beings. In this futuristic setting, on a barbell-shaped space station, we discover this galaxy's
sport of choice: The Arena. As the film begins we get to see an Arena match in action as Horn, a butt-ugly
cyborg, and Spinner, a reptilian cyborg that was designed by Maytag, duke it out.
The rules of the Arena are fairly simple: The opponents are evenly matched by the Arena's computer (so one is never stronger than the other) which
means that it all comes down to a fighter's speed, stamina, and overall fighting ability to win the match.
A fighter can win an Arena boxing match by either knocking out his opponent (traditional ten-count applies here) or forcing an opponent
out of the "ring" several times. Anyway, as Horn tears poor Spinner apart, a young blonde-haired giant named
Steve Armstrong intently watches the match on TV while cooking at a futuristic fast-food restaurant.
Because he's distracted, Steve fails to keep up with the rush of customers, much to the annoyance
of two bratty fish-kids and his soon-to-be-sidekick Shorty.
After said fish-brats rudely knock their meals all over the counter, Shorty begins chiding them,
only to be assaulted by their enormous fish-dad. Steve steps in and saves Shorty from an ass-whooping, then soundly
defeats the angry icthyhoid in a short fight. Because of this quarrel, both Shorty and Steve
lose their jobs, and Steve gets booted out of his living quarters. With no place to go, Steve
delves into the bowels of the ship to a futuristic slum where Shorty lives. The following
morning, Steve answers a knock at the door and soon finds himself battling Troy and Wayne.
After Steve takes both guys down, he's approached by Quinn, and finds out why he just got
attacked.
Apparently
the alien being that Steve knocked out the day before was Vang, one of Quinn's Arena fighters. Seeing as how
Steve has the ability to really beat the hell out of people and aliens alike, Quinn offers Armstrong
a contract, but get turned down. However, that situation changes very quickly. After his scuffle with
Quinn's two lackeys, Steve is fed up with life in space and wants to get back to Earth. Unfortunately a ticket back to
Earth is ridiculously expensive, so Shorty tries his hand(s) at gambling to get some quick cash.
Shorty takes the last of Steve's money and drags his human pal into an illegal gambling center. Shorty ends up losing it all at a galactic poker table, just moments
before police storm the shady mini-casino.
Steve and Shorty escape through a hidden door in a back room, but not before Shorty grabs a handful of "space-bucks."
With the miniature fortune in his hands, Shorty gets Steve a ticket home and all his well... until Weezil
suddenly shows up. The rat-faced little bastard escorts Steve and Shorty at gunpoint to Rogor's quarters
on the space station. It turns out that the money that Shorty took belonged to Rogor and if it
is not payed back immediately, Shorty is going to be tortured and killed. Rogor gives Steve twelve
hours to come up with the cash and is pleasantly shocked when Steve returns an hour later with
the money. Rogor is further shocked when he sees Armstrong stepping into the Arena the following evening
to take on Sloth, a giant insect-like alien with a bad temper.
To the astonishment of everyone, young Steve Armstrong defeats Sloth and becomes the first
human in fifty years to win an Arena match! With his first victory in the bag, Steve is psyched and
soon climbs the ranks to become the top contender for the Arena title. (This all takes place during
a brief montage, which is a staple for all boxing/fighting films.) Before he can do anything
to dodge a title fight between Horn and Steve Armstrong, Rogor is basically strong-armed by
the Arena Commissioner to set a date. With a heavy heart, Rogor sets the fight date, and soon
begins plotting against Steve Armstrong. Plan A is for Rogor's trophy gal, Jade, to seduce and
poison Steve.
The plan goes off without a hitch, but Steve defies the odds and stumbles to his Arena locker
room just in time to get an antidote. Much to the chagrin of Rogor, Steve puts on his gloves
and heads out to the Arena to take on Horn. During the first round, Steve pummels Horn without
taking a single hit. Seeing that Horn is completely outclassed, Rogor implements the dreaded
PLAN B! Plan B seems just as surefire as Plan A and involves some minor tampering with
the Arena computers. Weezil and Skull screw around with said machinery and switch the handicap
around so that Steve Armstrong becomes weaker and Horn becomes stronger! Because of their tampering,
Steve is nearly beaten into unconsciousness in the second round.
But you know what happens when alien beings try to overcome the human spirit right? We keep
fighting until either we defeat our alien foes or get eradicated by them! Case in point, Steve
picks himself up off the floor and starts fighting again, despite the seemingly insurmountable
odds. Luckily for our film's hero, Shorty manages to find Weezil and throw the little vermin
to his death, while simultaneously causing the Arena's handicap program to go haywire and shut
down. (Which simultaneously causes Skull's head to explode!) Back in the Arena, Steve makes a
huge comeback and knocks Horn out with a massive uppercut. An electronic voice comes over the
loudspeakers, gives the ten-count, and Steve Armstrong becomes the first human in half a century, to become the
Arena Champion of the Universe!
Meanwhile upstairs, Jade leaves Rogor, to wallow in his own self-pity (and self-loathing!). She shoves through
the crowd and stands before Steve with a smile on her face. Quinn, knowing what this trollop did
to her prize-fighter/future husband, walks up to Jade and gives her a jaw-crushing punch to the face.
With that taken care of, Steve, Quinn, Shorty and the crowd all walk out of the Arena toward a bright
and hopeful future for humanity. Will Steve be able to retain his title? Will Rogor once again emerge
from the dark recesses of space to plague our hero? Will Steve and Quinn become husband and
wife? Will Spinner ever get repaired and return to fighting in the Arena? Will Shorty throw the
"one ring" into the mouth of Mt. Doom? Will I ever stop asking rhetorical questions?! Find out
the answers to all this and more in... oh wait... Arena 2 doesn't exist.
Nevermind.
Film Review: Arena is a rather
rare and obscure film these days, and really hasn't gotten the attention that it deserves. Seriously, this may
well be the best damn "guy boxing with aliens in space" movie ever made! Arena was blessed with a good
cast and everyone delivers a fairly good performance. Marc Alaimo in particular stands out as
the silvery-faced Rogor.
In nearly every scene, he bulges out his eyes and delivers his lines with a toothy, evil smile
spread across his face. Had it not been for his lousy paint-job, I think Marc could have
actually been a menacing villain. On the other end of the spectrum is Paul Satterfield, who
played Rogor's nemesis, Steve Armstrong. I think Paul did a pretty good job with his role, but
how hard can it be to play a two-dimensional hero? I really think he should've been given
a bit more depth, and how about a backstory while we're at it? We know that he came to the
space station a while back to become an Arena contender, but that's about it. (Who trained
him? Are his parents still alive? How does he keep his hair so perfect all the time?! I guess
we'll never know.)
Next up are the film's two lovely ladies, Shari Shattuck (Jade) and Claudia Christian (Quinn).
Claudia isn't given much to do here, except pout and yell at Steve, while Shari just has to strut
around and look seductive. Between the two, Claudia is definitely the better (looking) actress.
Now, the real reason to watch this movie is not for the acting, or the storyline, or even the
'hot chicks.' The one true reason that anyone would want to watch Arena
is for the special effects and the boxing action. I'm happy to say that the effects are fairly
well done in this flick, thanks to the b-movie dream team of John Carl Buechler, Steve Wang, and
Screaming Mad George.
While a lot of the alien creatures in the movie are people in masks or makeup, fans of pre-CGI monster
f/x will be happy to know that the effects team also utilized animatronics and rubber monster suits.
In respect to the actual Arena bouts in this film, I can personally say that I have no major
complaints. The fights aren't very exciting, but it's definitely a blast watching a man battle
a big rubber monster in hand to hand combat. Though there's only three full matches in the
Arena throughout the movie, I think that's more than enough for a feature length film. Besides,
Steve gets into a few fights outside of the Arena, so technically there's five full
fights altogether. That's an average of one fight, every twenty minutes. Not too shabby if you ask me.
My misgivings about Arena are few, as I
did enjoy the film a lot. My main gripe about this space-boxing flick is that it takes itself
so darn seriously! Sure there are a few humorous scenes and a bit of funny dialogue, but things
are played a little too straight here for my liking. (More "cheeze" please!) Though the movie
isn't as fun as it could have been, it is still a well-made sci-fi film with a brisk pace,
decent cast, cool old school special effects, and an adequate (but forgettable) soundtrack, by
Richard (brother of Charles) Band. If you have the (rare) chance to see this on TV or if you
spot it on a video store shelf, give it a shot.
So how radioactive is this rock'em sock'em sci-fi film?
Geiger Counter Reading:
 
- THREE AND A HALF 'RADS' -
WARNING: This film is RADIOACTIVE! It's fun to watch and definitely worth a look,
But beware of the two crappy new age musical numbers contained within!
DVD Review: Sorry folks, but this
film is not available on DVD; in fact, it is currently out of print! Used and new VHS tapes of
Arena can be found on Amazon.com and eBay for
some pretty reasonable prices. Whenever a DVD release is finally announced for this flick, you
can bet that I'll put some information about it here! The last I knew, Sony Pictures owned the
distribution rights to Arena, so perhaps
one day we'll get to see this obscure gem in beautiful widescreen!
Shorty: "Last time I saw a face like that, it had a hook in it!"
(Reviewer's Note: Hahaha! Shorty says this about Vang just before Steve Armstrong
pummels the mighty man-fish and sends him through a window.)
Shorty: "I smell a rat... or a Weezil!"
- Beginning - In space, no one can hear you scream... but apparently everyone can hear Arena sport broadcasts.
- 9:08 - "Last time I saw a face like that, it had a hook in it!"
- 19:16 - This makes me wonder if I can send a punch in the face via UPS... hmm...
- 28:09 - Is there a reason for all those random laser blasts Weezil?! Try aiming that damn thing!
- 30:50 - "Moments after watching this hologram sequence, George Lucas sent his legion of stormtrooper lawyers
after director Peter Manoogian."
- 51:43 - Crappy new age music.... IN SPACE!
- 62:33 - Don't bump uglies with her Steve! Women weaken the knees!
- 88:13 - Awesome! Skull has a "mind-blowing" experience right here!
- 93:20 - POW! Bitch goes down!
- 93:58 - The End Credits.
Recommended Viewing:
- Yikes... there aren't too many
"monster-boxing" films out there is there? Truthfully, I guess the only other film from this unique
category that I can think of is the awfully dreadful Teen Wolf Too
,
which featured a wolf-man attending college on a boxing scholarship. (Yeah, exactly what were they thinking when they made this piece of junk?!) Instead, I
think we'd all prefer to watch an evil space clown knock a guy's block off in
Killer Klowns from Outer Space.
Director Peter Manoogian and producer Charles Band have worked together many times on a variety
of low budget sci-fi, horror, and fantasy films. (Most of which were made under the FULL MOON ENTERTAINMENT label.)
Some of their better known collaborations include The Dungeonmaster,
The Eliminators, The Seedpeople,
and Demonic Toys.
The effects team for Arena included John Carl Buechler, Steve Wang, and Screaming Mad George.
These guys all prefer practical effects over CGI and you can see their work in a multitude of films.
John Carl Buechler's work spans dozens of movies including Troll, Carnosaur,
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Ghoulies I & II, and
many more! Screaming Mad George has had a lucrative career himself and has done effects
for Bride of the Re-Animator, Beyond Re-Animator,
Curse II: The Bite, Faust: Love of the Damned,
The Guyver, and quite
a few other genre flicks. Steve Wang has done a lot of concept art and sculpting work over his
career, but he's done plenty of creature effects as well. You can see his work in such films as Hell Comes to Frogtown,
DeepStar Six, The Guyver, and
The Guyver 2: Dark Hero.
Arena features several unique alien species that
interact with humans throughout the film. Humanity would meet and greet many alien visitors throughout
1980's cinema. Some of my personal favorites include: The Last Starfighter,
Battle Beyond the Stars, E.T. - The Extra Terrestrial,
The Explorers and also the original
Star Wars Trilogy. However, the aliens in the films I've listed
above have tended to be rather friendly, but that's not always the case. If you want to see humanity
being terrorized by alien visitors, then may I suggest: Invaders from Mars (the Tobe Hooper remake),
Aliens, Predator,
Xtro, and Strange Invaders.
Useless Trivia:
was completed in 1989 but didn't
get released until 1991!
Hamilton Camp, the actor that portrayed Shorty in Arena, died on October 2, 2005
of a heart attack. He was nearly 71 years old.
Marc Alaimo (Rogor) at one time held the record for playing the most
characters in the Star Trek universe. Currently
he is in third place behind Vaughn Armstrong, Jeffrey Combs, J.G. Hertzler, Randy Oglesby, and
Thomas Kopache.
Armin Shimerman (Weezil) has the distinction of being the first
person to ever play a Ferengi on Star Trek.
Charles Tabansi (Troy) had a short-lived career in film. He only appeared in two
films (Arena and Chiari di luna), and did
some stunt work in 1989's Leviathan.
The "always reliable" Internet Movie Database lists
that the German version of Arena runs at 115 minutes,
a full eighteen minutes longer than the film's North American release!
Actor Wayne Brewer (Vang) only starred in one film
after Arena as a "Veteran Guard" in 1990's Robot Jox, which
oddly enough, was the film that Rob Tillisch reviewed for our BOXING... OF THE FUTURE teamup!
LEAVE YOUR OWN COMMENTS ABOUT THIS MOVIE IN...
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feedback helps make The Vault better!
Review posted on August 11, 2006.
(Review last updated on November 17, 2007.)
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