Our Rating System:

The movies reviewed here at the Vault are rated according to their “radioactivity.” The more radioactive a film is, the better it is! Anything that doesn’t cause you to glow in the dark or mutate is probably not worth watching, but then again, to be a well-rounded b-movie enthusiast, you have to watch really awful movies from time to time!

EXTREMELY RADIOACTIVE!

May cause you to grow numerous eyes which will allow you to drink in the visual feast of a “five rad” movie! A film that gets this rating is legendary! A definitive classic! The very best of the best!

 

VERY RADIOACTIVE!

May result in the growth of new appendages, allowing you to easily operate the numerous controllers for your home entertainment system! A “four rad” movie is very good and worth making time for!

 

RADIOACTIVE!

The television will bask in your glow! A “three rad” film is definitely perfect for a boring afternoon or a rainy day!

 

SOMEWHAT RADIOACTIVE!

You can derive more radiation (and enjoyment) by sticking your head inside a microwave. “Two rad” movies aren’t all that great, but they do have some redeeming qualities.

 

PARTIALLY RADIOACTIVE!

More radioactivity can be found in the bottom of a septic tank, which ironically is where “1 Rad” movies belong! Movies with this rating are guaranteed to cause you some pain and discomfort.

 

BARELY RADIOACTIVE!

A brief blip on the “B-Movie Geiger Counter.” This rating is typically used in conjunction with the others. However, if a film should get a mere “half-rad,” you may want to avoid it as it may cause severe (mental) health problems.

 

NOT RADIOACTIVE!

DON’T WATCH IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!